Infierno es leerte Alfonso J Ussía

August 06, 2025 Ana Pose

Alfonso J. Ussía, how are you? I imagine you’re resting. I gather that from the time your article in ABC was written, 4:56 a.m. I’d like to reply to it. I’ll address you informally, and I hope you’ll forgive my delayed response. Yes, I know, you wrote on August 4th; I should have replied sooner, but you know how it is with summer, friends, the pool, and reading. By the way, I recommend David Uclés’s *The Peninsula of Empty Houses*. Of course, I should also warn you that it’s 700 pages long; perhaps that’s a bit much.

The first thing I want to do is thank you for the adjectives you use to describe us veterans of motorhome driving:  “adventurers, nonconformists, free spirits .” You know, even though I’m getting on in years, you’re right, I am and have been all those things, and even, as you also write, a bit of a hippie. I mean, phrases like “Peace and love,” “Make love, not war,” “Burn your bra, not your soul”… I’ve shouted them myself.

But let me tell you, adapting to certain trends, like the one you claim is a trend when you’re traveling in a motorhome, takes time, just like everything else in life, even the simplest things. Just look at, for example, those people who, for whatever reason, suddenly find themselves wearing loafers without socks in 40-degree heat. By the second day of embracing this posh and trendy fashion, their feet are covered in blisters; their gait becomes an invitation to a mocking smile. Come on! Between you and me, how much would that person give for a good pair of those flip-flops you’re disparaging in your article?

Anyway, Alfonso, I’m not really sure whether to talk about traveling in a motorhome, because from what you’ve written I can tell you’re a bit confused; thinking about it, maybe you’ve formed the wrong opinion. Like I said, social media is terrible. Fieldwork, a notebook, and a pen are always better.

But I do want to make a point: what do you see wrong with buying things at a supermarket? By the way, I’m letting you know in case you need them; some folding tables might have instructions for use. I mention this because I’ve read a bit of your posts, and I don’t know… you seem a bit lost. What I also can’t stand is the shirtless coffee thing, not even at a beach bar.

Regarding sharing a toilet, I don’t know what to tell you. Look, even if you go, for example, to the prestigious Hotel Villamagna—it now has a more grandiose name—on Madrid’s Castellana street, where some of its rooms can cost more than 25,000 euros a night, well, you’ll still be sharing a bathroom if you’re having a cocktail at the bar or eating in the restaurant… Go figure! Anyway, we all share bathrooms everywhere, even in bachelor apartments; in those small houses, you might always have visitors. I should also let you know, which might be useful in case of an emergency, that museums and libraries, which are highly recommended places, have public and therefore shared restrooms.

And as for  «lime from a defeat ,» I don’t think this is the place to answer you; perhaps I’ll do so in a separate article. What were you thinking when you wrote such an out-of-context phrase? No, don’t answer me now, I can’t hear you.

By the way, Alfonso, in your opinion piece you say: “ …the real thing is spending half of August emptying a chemical toilet at a service area while pretending you’re free .” Hey, I have to say, you’re obsessed. Look, taking out, emptying, cleaning, and putting back in a chemical toilet in a camper van should take, at most, fifteen minutes. But, to equate that with half of August, I don’t know. Your math skills aren’t great. Of course, getting to that part of your article, one thinks you’re trying to impress people with your stand-up routine, just in case journalism isn’t for you after all. Right?

Elsewhere in your article you say:

“The motorhome is no longer synonymous with adventure. More like a nightmare. And boy, is it ever: the nightmare of finding a place to park without a neighbor reporting you, the nightmare of not suffocating in a cubicle that smells like a mixture of cheap air freshener and damp socks…”

I don’t know how to answer everything, so let’s start from the beginning. I’ll just say that motorhomes are Class 1 vehicles. Now, I’ll add that it’s true that many coastal municipalities, for the most part, tend to heed certain complaints; paradoxically, they’re often owners of businesses in the hospitality sector… But anyway, I’m not going to talk about our rights in this answer. I’ll give you some pointers: Instruction Prot 2023/14, which replaces the previous one, Instruction 08/V-74.

But I will address your misinformation and your dismissive way of speaking about vehicles, which, by the way, start at €70,000 new and go up from there. I, unlike you, don’t usually use air fresheners to get rid of odors; I tend to clean and ventilate. As for the smell of wet socks, I don’t know what to tell you. However, if you’re speaking from experience, I recommend washing your socks after you’ve taken them off; it’s a practice that usually combats bad smells, and it does so very effectively.

As for the tired old spiel about spending and saving, well, no, I’m not going to get into that kind of nonsense; I see you did in your article; besides, you mentioned a supermarket chain. Oh, you sly devil! Could it be you got a freebie somewhere?

And you know, whether or not it takes a game of Tetris to fit everyone traveling in a cramped space, don’t worry about it; just let it go. In fact, the saying «a labor of love is never a burden» would probably be fitting. That said, I recommend you get to work writing against those who are willing to rent out windowless storage units for over 500 euros a month. Families live in those tiny spaces, citizens who build the country, working in agriculture, on the roads, in the hospitality industry…

And now, Alfonso, to wrap things up, your sentence of:

«Everyone lies. Especially those who brag about how great their motorhome trip is .» Tell us, tell us what you usually lie about, what your family and friends lie about, and, most importantly, what verifiable reasons led you to make such a damning statement.

Regarding how the local police operate in certain municipalities, I’ll tell you, as I did before, that I’ll answer that at another time. Please tell us about your experience in a motorhome, which left such a mark on you that you even stated: «If a normal couple can manage to spend the summer in a motorhome, it’s a clear sign that you should be the one to run away from that family.»

And as for dignity, the kind you trot out in the phrase: “The logical, normal, expected thing is that if his wife has any dignity, she should promptly abandon that marriage, relationship, or whatever it is. But he should be suspicious if she’s comfortable and enjoying herself on the caravan trip.” I can only say that it’s a real shame your position isn’t filled by an intern. To suggest that women who enjoy traveling in motorhomes don’t know how to behave and don’t command respect is simply shameless.

Now then, Alfonso, put on your loafers, turn up the collar of your polo shirt, slick your hair back with gel, look in the mirror and repeat to yourself: What a man I am, what an article I’ve written!

Ana Pose (writer and motorhome enthusiast,… among other things)

 

 

The article in question

https://www.abc.es/cultura/infierno-autocaravana-20250804170808-nt.html?fbclid=IwY2xjawMAVSxleHRuA2FlbQIxMABicmlkETA0VldtZjBWVVlXY1JDRHlDAR5ZP1MyIaeRO1HJJY0PNGH4THxSPxQaS_z31To7-ctpgUKHUROhaaYJNWLADQ_aem_lFwSJs–Xnm6xF4i8RmcqQ